The Washington Times-Herald

Columns

November 18, 2012

Back in the games again

WASHINGTON — It is with some degree of shame and trepidation that I am about to make a confession. Those who don't know me particularly well may find it a little creepy while those close to me will, upon seeing the disclosure in print, simply shrug and say they've known it or suspected it for some time now and will wonder why in the world I would chose to go public with such a personal revelation.

In any event, here it is: I suffer from E.D.

My girlfriend and I have known about the condition for a long time but only recently did I decide to try and do something about it - for her sake as well as mine. It is my hope that, as is often the case with conditions such as substance abuse or depression, admitting the problem and talking about it openly will constitute an important step on the road to recovery.

Education Dysfunction is a condition that affects the hippocampus and the memory reserves located in the medial temporal lobe of the brain. Age, stress, and other health conditions can result in restricted blood flow to the area and as a consequence the brain does not function properly making acquiring and imparting education or knowledge difficult or impossible. Though common among males of my age, the condition is not normally something people talk about in public or in mixed company but I'm hopeful that by coming out this way not only will I improve my own chances for recovery but may also serve as an inspiration for others similarly afflicted.

Before the onset of the disease I was fairly adept at Trivial Pursuit, Jeopardy, Bill OÕReillyÕs News Quiz, and other games that reward an abundance of essentially useless knowledge. Back in my hey day I routinely defeated both of my children in such contests and even held my own against acknowledged champions of the sport like my old law school friend Bill Beckman, my law partner of many years Harry Hanson, and the renowned Todd Lancaster here at the Times Herald.

But because of the ravages of E.D. I descended into the ranks of the second rate - barely smarter than the proverbial 5th grader, an embarrassment to my family, my peers, and myself.

Until finally, one day not all that long ago, I hit bottom. While soaking in a claw foot bathtub on my deck, aimlessly tossing baseballs through a tire hanging from a tree limb in my back yard, trying without success to remember the past three World Series winners and my grand daughter's middle name, I was suddenly overcome with self-loathing and despair. I knew there was a "V" in the name but that was all I could remember. Verda? Verne? Dear God, what's happened to me, I cried aloud then burst into tears, buried my face in my hands and thought fleetingly about drowning myself in the claw foot tub.

Instead, I pulled myself together and visited my doctor.

He told me about an assortment of medicines that might help, including the familiar Memagra, Cialory, and Limemtra. All target the temporal lobe he said, increasing blood flow to the area, making it larger, fuller, and sturdier.

After only a few days on the meds my performance in the game room returned.

My suddenly reinvigorated hippocampus spewed knowledge with a force and volume I'd not experienced since my 20s.

Suddenly I was ticking off the names of every World Series champion since World War II and their opponents. Song titles, lyrics, artists names and dates came pouring out of me along with a host of world capitals and even a handful of potent potables.

Like all meds of course, memory enhancers are not without risk. Common side effects include headache, flushing, indigestion, vision and hearing changes. And virtually all of the available prescriptions warn, "if you experience a recollection lasting more than four hours, contact your nearest liquor retailer or medical marijuana provider immediately."

Oh, by the way. Her middle name is Victoria.

***

If you would like to comment on this or any of Blake's columns, his email address is: blakechambers51@gmail.com

1
Text Only
Columns
  • Letter: Sex is clearly defined Sex is clearly definedEditor:I say “Amen” to Pastor Showers’ letter to the editor. Sex in its pureness is only between one man and woman in the bonds of marriage, till death do they part. No others on the side.Man lying with man, woman lying with wom

    July 18, 2014

  • Hobby Lobby court ruling a right one for religious freedom The Supreme Court recently issued a ruling that marked an important development in the ongoing national debate on religious freedom.In a 5-4 decision, the Court ruled that the contraception coverage mandate, imposed by the Obama Administration under

    July 17, 2014

  • Good work DCH for helping vets Good work DCH for helping vetsEditor:On behalf of the veteran organizations of Daviess County, we wish to take this opportunity to recognize Daviess Community Hospital’s CEO David Bixler for the representation of our community hospital and the servic

    July 17, 2014

  • I am proud to fight against the 'War on Coal I recently signed on as an original cosponsor to a bipartisan bill led by one of my Democrat colleagues from West Virginia that would stop the newly released Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) regulations on existing coal-generated power plants.He

    July 16, 2014

  • EPA regulations are very bad for District 63 The coal industry has played an integral role in our nation’s history, and District 63 is very close to the heart of it all. Information on the Institute of Energy Research’s website reveals that from a global standpoint, the United States has the la

    July 16, 2014

  • Update from Veale Creek Players Update from Veale Creek PlayersEditor:Veale Creek Players just finished the second week of the children’s summer camp with a pizza cast party. All parents and friends of our future actors/actresses were invited and enjoyed being part of the Veale Cre

    July 16, 2014

  • James bears the weight of Cleveland's championship dreams LeBron James has done it all on a basketball court. He’s a great scorer, rugged defender, proven big-play leader and champion. But that might not be enough in Cleveland, where he’ll also need the powers of Merlin the Magician.In returning to his home

    July 16, 2014

  • Say yes to the dress (at least at some point) Next month, the beloved boyfriend and I will celebrate two years of togetherness. For me, this is a huge milestone and for him, well, I guess this illustrates how patient and tolerant of my quirks he is (or maybe that’s the other way around. Remember

    July 12, 2014

  • Moving towards a better tomorrow This past week a federal judge ruled Indiana’s same-sex marriage ban unconstitutional, but in Daviess County there were no wedding bells ringing for same-sex couples. Despite receiving an email from the Indiana Attorney General’s office advising coun

    July 5, 2014

  • Clerk owes public an apology Clerk owes public an apologyEditor:I read the account from Daviess County, stating that the county clerk had refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples based on her biblical beliefs and unclear direction from the state government. Regardl

    July 3, 2014