Imagine the ensemble the quirky filmmaker could put together — Bill Murray, all of the Wilsons, Bruce Willis, a stop-motion animated fox with George Clooney's voice. Imagine the number of times we would hear Vince Guaraldi's Charlie Brown-y holiday music, which is the best holiday music there is. Imagine the yuletide-themed Andersonian fonts. Imagine that tremendous American Express commercial he made a few years ago, but with even more snow. I want to watch this right now.
"Gwyneth Paltrow and Anne Hathaway: Home for the Holidays"
They could sing solos. They could sing duets. They could do cooking segments. Paltrow could tell us how to decorate our home with tinsel sold via her Goop newsletter at a completely reasonable price of $8,000.
Honestly, I think this could be highly enjoyable. And for those who get their jollies by hating on Paltrow, Hathaway or both, it would be the Greatest Christmas Gift of Potential Live-Tweeting Snark they've ever received. No one loses in this scenario.
"Getting Christmas-Crafty With Amy Sedaris"
Crocheting! Kookiness! Probably some legitimately good holiday cookie recipe ideas! And appearances from special guest stars Martha Stewart, David Letterman and brother David Sedaris, who could do a live reading from "The SantaLand Diaries," because there's no way he's sick of that!
"A Trainwreck Christmas With Lindsay Lohan"
This seems like an inevitable path for her to someday pursue. And it could be kind of fantastic in, like, an old Dean Martin special sort of way, where you never know what might happen or how much anyone has had to drink.
"The Mel Brooks Hanukkah Special"
This brilliant suggestion came from a loyal Celebritology reader who goes by @Sedna_51 on Twitter. She tweeted: "Has Mel Brooks done one? Because if not, I nominate Mel Brooks. A quintillion bonus points if it's done in Claymation." She then added: "As a goyim: I would sit down on Christmas night, order Chinese food, and watch the h--- out of that." She makes a compelling case.