“We need not walk alone”

By Sally Petty, Staff Writer

July 25, 2008 07:44 pm

— “We need not walk alone.”
This slogan of The Compassionate Friends sums up the support group’s mission — to offer understanding and a listening ear to help grieving parents heal after the death of a child.
Washington residents Cecil and Mary Rose Jones began attending an Evansville chapter of the group shortly after their son, Andy, died in a car accident more than three years ago.
Because of the help they received there from other parents who had also lost children and because of the great need they see in the Washington area, they decided to start their own support group here, meeting the second Sunday of every month at 3 p.m. at the Fraternal Order of Police cabin on Glenwood Drive.
On July 7, their group became an official chapter of the national non-profit self-help support organization, The Compassionate Friends, which was founded in 1968, said Cecil Jones.
As one of 611 TCF groups in the nation, they now have access to pamphlets and materials to help grieving parents, and they have non-profit status so they can hold fund raisers to promote awareness and reach out to parents in need as they strive to fulfill the TCF vision: “Everyone who needs us will find us, and everyone who finds us will be helped.”
Their e-mail address and contact information are posted on TCF’s national Web site (www.thecompassionatefriends.org) so parents searching on the Internet can find them easily. They have already received three e-mails from interested people.
The Jonses attended a TCF workshop last weekend that gave them more good ideas for helping people dealing with different kinds of grief and different circumstances of loss. In three days, they attended 15 workshops for their own benefit, but also so they can help other grieving parents.
“If you don’t try to heal, it will keep festering,” said Cecil Jones.
“With 1,500 people that all are in the same situation you are ... you don’t have to say anything. You just have to give them a hug, and they know,” said Mary Rose Jones.
Part of the process of becoming a chapter of TCF was to organize a four-member steering committee to run the local group. As the group grows, they will add more leadership in positions such as treasurer until the committee numbers 10. This will ensure that the group lasts and that someone is available to lead the group if the Jonses can’t be there, said Cecil Jones.
For now, Karla Trout and Julie Peterson have volunteered to join the Joneses in leadership.
Trout began coming to the support group meetings after reading about them in the Times-Herald.
“It was just what I needed to see,” she said.
She already knew about TCF but didn’t want to drive all the way to Evansville to attend a support group after the drowning death of her son two years ago on Mother’s Day. It was a year and a half before she sat down with the support group, and that was the first time she could say her son’s name again.
She said the group has helped her talk about her son since she knows the people there understand what she’s going through. “Being with people that know what it’s like” and “just being able to say it,” have helped her heal.
Peterson also knew about TCF beforehand and also didn’t want to drive to Evansville. Her son died three years ago in an accident at the Knox-Daviess county line.
Peterson called the Joneses after having a “really bad day” dealing with the death of her son, then began attending the support group meetings. She said it has helped to be able to tell her story to someone who will listen.
Mary Rose Jones said it can be tough the first time a grieving parent attends a support group meeting because everyone there has been hurt. So she encourages them to try at least three sessions so they will begin to understand that helping other people helps them.
“Church and friends can help,” said Cecil Jones, “But unless they’ve been through this, they don’t know.”

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