My children are growing up in a warm and loving home — well maybe not so warm.
It is now the Fall, and when the frost is on the pumpkin, it means that my little nippers may want to grab an extra pair of socks.
Why? ‘tis the season for me to play a little game I like to call, “see how long I can go without turning on the furnace.”
Although my toes may turn blue, there is still plenty of green in my wallet when I finally breakout and set the thermostat to a balmy 56, but that is not the whole story.
Simply put, I like it cool, south of 60 degrees year round.
In the Summer I find the one spot in the basement where if I sit directly under the vent, keep my body within 32 inches of the floor, and position three fans blowing away from me in different directions, I can keep a cool zone of about 63.7 degrees around me from April 15 to Oct. 1st. So how do I know it is 63.7 degrees? Because of the electric meat thermometer I wave around house like Mr. Spock searching for dilithium with his tricorder. “Captain, it is not logical but part of the playroom is 3.2 degrees warmer than the den, making it inhabitable for humanoid life,” Spock would say.
You might say, “But Todd, isn’t it expensive to be running the air conditioner until beer requests to be moved out of the refrigerator to a cooler spot on the floor of my basement?”
The answer is 'Yes', and that's all the more reason more to save every cent I can during the winter.
The insanity always starts the same way.
A beautiful cool breeze blows in from the north and people say, “it feels like football weather.” It is at that point my wife and kids know that the only words they want to hear for the next six months is “Indian Summer.”
I like to call it “sleeping weather” and it is more than just the time to pull that warm down comforter up over the chin. It is a time when one is forced to make character building choices. Should you wait until your spouse is asleep and then carefully remove the comforter giving you alone, full access to all its warm goodness or simply share it, leaving ones derriere exposed to the elements? The answer to this could very well determine the long-term success of the marriage.
During my quest for cool, there are plenty of other benefits to living in a frozen wonderland. One gets to wear all those great sweaters and sweatshirts ALL THE TIME. Hey you didn’t pay $64 for that college hoodie to just wear it to a cold tailgate. Now you can tailgate in your living room AND get the benefit of the grill warming up the den.
The downside is my wife spends three months wrapped in a Snuggie, saying “feel my nose, it is cold and wet like a Labrador retriever.” I then remind her that labs love to frolic in the snow and rarely ever complain about my aim in the bathroom. She could learn a lot from a Lab.
However, I’m not an unreasonable person. We do have a small space heater in the bathroom. Although I sometimes find my family huddled around it, bundled up like members of the Donner Party, trying to decided which one of then would be best marinaded in Mr. Stubbs honey mustard sauce, it does a decent job of keeping anyone from having to break through a layer of ice on the commode.
This really shouldn’t be that big a deal, after all, Abe Lincoln was a Southern Indiana boy and he didn’t have heat in his home — and yet not only was a top-notch president, we recently found out he was also a world-class vampire hunter. I would say with the exception of the bouts of melancholy, the Civil War and that unfortunate Ford’s Theater thing, he did just fine for himself growing up with cold bathroom.
So the AC is going off and the next time I hope to hear any rumbling from that part of the basement should be about the time a jolly fat man will be stumbling around the Christmas tree after enjoying a little too much “Christmas Cheer” — and about the time Santa should arrive too.
Todd is an award winning columnist, but only able to write when his fingers have thawed out. You can now check him out on Twitter at @blasterdog.
- Local News
- Community Foundation awards grants to help youth A pair of projects designed to help take on some of the problems faced by youth in Daviess County will receive a financial boost from the Daviess County Community Foundation. The Daviess Community Hospital and southwest Indiana PowerHouse each receiv
- Friday's police report CITY REPORT Thursday 6:42 a.m. - Melissa Bath, 105 Mill St., reported her dog was stolen. Animal control was contacted. Wednesday 8:54 p.m. - A male caller said a black Pontiac convertible hit a utility pole near 810 W. Van Trees St. The driver is fa
- Odon gets ready for Old Settlers ODON - The 159th Odon Old Settlers festival will kick off the morning of Aug. 5 with exhibits for the Floral Hall being accepted from 9 a.m. until 3 p.m. The event will run Aug. 5 -9. Projects in several different categories will be accepted. Monetar
- Expiring term heightens the urgency of lawmaker's mission State Rep. Rebecca Kubacki had plans for her return to the General Assembly next January.The two-term Republican from Kosciusko County wanted to exert “full force” to roll back a law that prevents the children of undocumented immigrants from paying i
- Thursday's police report CITY REPORT Wednesday 11:28 a.m. - A female caller, 820 Axtel Ave., said a license plate was taken from her vehicle the night before. The tailgate was also scratched. 10:17 a.m. - An employee of Personal Finance Company said a female had parked her v
- Area author to hold book signing at Touch of Heaven Greene County author, former newspaper publisher and pastor Ralph W. Roach will be at A Touch of Heaven on Main Street Aug. 2 from 9:30 a.m. until noon for a meet and greet and book signing. Roach has published three books, "Ramblin' With RWR," a mem
DOCUMENTS: Barr-Reeve Teachers' complaint
Here is the complaint the Barr-Reeve Classroom Teachers Association filed with the state Education Employment Relations Board earlier this summer against the Barr-Reeve School Board and Superintendent Travis Madison.
- Harbstreit settles in as Indiana Sheriff's Association president FORT WAYNE — Daviess County Sheriff Jerry Harbstreit had the interim tag removed from his title as president of the Indiana Sheriff's Association during the state convention in Fort Wayne. The Indiana Sheriff's executive board had elevated Harbstreit
- Two dead after Bicknell shooting BICKNELL – At approximately 2 a.m. Wednesday morning, Indiana State Police, Knox County Sheriff’s Office and Bicknell Police responded to 707 Durbin Street in Bicknell after a 33-year-old Knox County man was shot and killed during an argument with an
- Police Reports CITY REPORTS Tuesday 12:30 a.m. - Police were called to investigate the theft of a cell phone at 703 SW Fifth St. 4:14 a.m. - A resident reported someone got into a vehicle at 501 Lincoln St. ransacked it and left the front passenger door open. The o
- More Local News Headlines