The Washington Times-Herald

Our Perspective

December 13, 2011

Carols for the worn, weary and wigged outBy


Terre Haute, IN —

Hark! The card swipes beep and ring

Buy now, pay later for the bling

(To the tune of

“O, Christmas Tree”)

O, Amazon, O, Amazon

Your wares are truly tempting

But, Amazon, O, Amazon

The process is ferklepmting

Your virtual aisles, all packed with goods

Entrap me in just “shoulds” and “coulds”

There’s so much stuff, the mounds confuse

I’m paralyzed, I cannot choose

(To the tune of “Jingle Bells”)

Ninety-nine, ninety-nine

That’s my group – yo ho!

Percent-wise, we own the game

As we spend our Christmas dough-oh

But the folks with the clout

Those the most content

Make us look like puny ants

They are The One Percent

(To the Tune of “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear”)

It came upon a midnight clear

At the end of Thanksgiving Day

Box stores wide open with lights ablaze

And discounts that prompted a fray

The toys, the flat screens, the DVDs

At prices that made our whole day

But next year we could do without

The woman with pepper spray

(To the tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem”)

O little mall with shops galore

How still we see thee lie

Close by the highway exit ramp

Where cars and trucks go by

Your jewelry stores do shineth

Your food court satisfies

Your Body Shop and Baby Gap

Inspire and mesmerize

(Verse II)

Of course it’s true your bookstore’s gone

But who reads anyway?

More room now for athletic shoes

And sexy lingerie

There’s Penney’s still and Macy’s

Claire’s, Sears and Sunglass Hut

The Hallmark and Merle Norman stores

Will always make the cut

(Verse III)

O Little mall, you draw us all

In droves each holiday

Your bright lights and your perfect temp

Keep fear and dread at bay

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